After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems  with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said
 that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by the Qantas' pilots (marked with a 'P'), and the solutions recorded by> maintenance engineers (marked with an 'S').
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
 
 P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
 S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
 
 P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
 S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
 
 P: Something loose in cockpit.
 S: Something tightened in cockpit
 
 P: Dead bugs on windshield.
 S: Live bugs on back-order. (I love this one)
 
 P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200ft per min descent.
 S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
 
 P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
 S: Evidence removed.
 
 P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
 S: DME volume set to more believable level.
 
 P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
 S: That's what friction locks are for.
 
 P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
 S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
 
 P: Suspected crack in windshield.
 S: Suspect you're right.
 
 P: Number 3 engine missing.
 S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
 
 P: Aircraft handles funny. (love this one too!!)
 S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
 
 P: Target radar hums.
 S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
 
 P: Mouse in cockpit.
 S: Cat installed.
 
 And the best one for last..................
 P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
 S: Took hammer away from midget.

A pair of newly wed ducks are in their honeymoon suite. Not wanting to start a family yet, the male duck calls room service for some condoms;

" Certainly Mr. Mallard," says the night porter
" Shall I put them on your bill?"
"Feck off" says the duck
" I'll suffocate!"

Here are some links that I use for bike related stuff

• Our home page for all things HOC - http://www.hoc.org.uk/
  
• Got a Garmin Zumo device? Visit http://www.zumoforums.com/index.php?action=forum
  
• Own a CBF? Try here for advice http://www.cbf1000.com
  
• Own a CB1300? Go here http://www.hondacb1300.net/cgi-bin/yabb2/YaBB.pl
  
• How about a Crossrunner - try here http://www.honda-crossrunner.com/index.php?action=forum
  

Manchester branch are having their AGM on the 12th November frpm 8pm at the Bridgewater hotel (our normal meeting place). All HOC members welcome to attend.

Alan

Well I'm fed up with the back end of my CB 250cc rebel bouncing all over the place on some of the rotten A and B roads where I live in south Bucks...it's on setting 4 ATM and highest is 5, well do you agree I'll see a great improvement if I set it at it's lowest or whatever? I'm 13 stone and will not have a pillion and not a cafe racer going around corners.
I assume you jack the bike up (which is a PITA without a centre stand) and let the swinging arms drop and then turn the suspension unit (if possible by hand)...but it has holes which I assume is for some sort of tool.
Thanks

Hi all. Not a clue with this. What am I threading to. I will get the hang of it. 

Not bike - but car related:

My car insurance is up for renewal. I got the standard "here's our renewal fee" from eSure. So, I went online to the comparison sites as you do and....


they were all around £100 more than the renewal fee.


Guess what - I renewed.....

I've added a new sub forum where you can post pictures of you and your bikes. It's under "General Stuff".

My only request is that you add pictures using the "Upload Form" and not "add attachments". If you have issues doing that, please let me know and I'll guide you through using it (it's not hard).

Cheers

Alan

Hi, Just joined this group. I am a member of v4muscle as well. From Massachusetts USA.
I have a 1985 VF1100S Sabre blue, California emissions, 50K miles, runs like a rocket!

Well I'm off to Hamm on Germany on Thursday on my little Adventure bike !!
It's the Diesel Bike Rally and my mate has a Diesel Enfield, should be interesting